I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
