I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
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