Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize