I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I believe in your delicious
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Randomize