You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Randomize
