god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
