i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
