this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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