walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Randomize
