just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
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