Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
your room smells of hookers.
And success
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
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