Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Randomize
