the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
