There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
