nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Randomize
