hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
