The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Randomize
