They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Randomize
