Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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