Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize
