note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Randomize
