babies were throwing up all over the place
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
That reminds me...we need to get swords
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
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