I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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