So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
