He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
