It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
