Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
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