It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
