I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
