if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Randomize
