I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
