oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Can you bring me the toilet please
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
