u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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