ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize