your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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