Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Verdict: uncircumcised.
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