I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
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