Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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