another moral hangover. fuck.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
