Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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