Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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