God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
4 words: hood of his car
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
