new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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