I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
