a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
