he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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