So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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