Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize