How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
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