Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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