I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize
