good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Randomize
