Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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