i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Randomize
