so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
