last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
