I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
false alarm, still single
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
