Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
It's rum buckets o'clock
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
