I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
My liver just had a heart attack.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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