he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
