Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
