If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
