Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Randomize
