I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Randomize