Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize