I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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