i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Randomize
