let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
Randomize
