Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
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