she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
what the fuck happened to the tacos
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