FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
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