Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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