i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
